An open letter to the boys who made fun of my son for being in a wheelchair.

Dear Boys, 

My daughter is in your class. When you went to the library today, she was with you. She watched you stop and look at the picture of her older brother that hangs on the wall in the front hall of your school. She saw you point at his picture, heard you remark about how he was in a wheelchair, then laugh. She saw all of this and couldn't say anything to you because her heart hurt too much. 

Yes, her brother is in a wheelchair. He also has a feeding tube, which gives him his nutrients. And no, he can't verbalize how much it hurt him to see his sister so upset over someone making fun of him. I doubt you are the first to laugh at my son and his special needs, and unfortunately, you probably won't be the last.

But that doesn't make it okay. 

Since you think this is such a funny situation, I thought I would share some other "funny" things for you to enjoy. 

My son was born the same way you were. He might have even had the same doctor deliver him. Odds are, you were born in the same hospital. But when my son was born, a huge mistake was made that left him with an intense injury to his brain. He could have walked, talked, and beat you at hockey, but someone wasn't paying as much attention as they should have been. So when he should have been taking his first breath, he was getting his first round of CPR. When he should have been receiving his first bath, he was receiving injections to put him to sleep to stop the seizures. And when he should have been coming home, he had to live in the hospital, hooked up to monitors and machines that kept him alive. 

Not funny enough for you? 

Let's talk about his connection with his sister then. My daughter loves her brother more than anything in this world. She helps take care of him and has spent nights crying while he went in for surgery after surgery, afraid that there might come a time when he wouldn't come home.  I have seen them communicate silently and watched her understand everything he couldn't say. I have also seen her stand by with sheer panic on her face as he had a major seizure that lasted 4.5 minutes. I have had to take her with us to the emergency room when he had to have his tube replaced or had to get antibiotics for pneumonia because a child like you didn't understand what going to school sick could do to someone like him. When she visited the hospital during his last surgery, she took his hand and told him that everything was going to be okay and that she would take care of him when he got home. And then she did. When he woke up in pain, she sat next to him until he could sleep. Have you ever loved someone so much that the thought of losing them terrified you? That is my daughter with her brother. That's the same boy you saw in that picture and laughed at because he was different than you.

But is he really? 

I bet you would be surprised to know that he likes movies and sports. He likes video games and superheroes. He has a collection of Ninja Turtles that would blow you away. He loves lots of things that I bet you love, too. 

He also loves making new friends and making people smile. 

The boy you laughed at because he couldn't walk and had to sit in a wheelchair would take you up on a race any day of the week. He would tell you jokes and play games with you. But all you chose to see is his chair. 

Well, I'm grateful for that chair because it is his legs. I am grateful for his feeding tube because it's the reason why he is so healthy. And most of all, I am grateful that he took his first breath, because it almost didn't come. My son, the boy you made fun of, holds no grudges against you and only wants you to be happy and accepting. 

And one day, I hope you learn to see past the things that make someone different and start to see how they are the same. Otherwise, you will miss out on knowing someone as amazing as my son and you will lose someone as sweet and caring as my daughter as a friend.

 

Sincerely, 

A mom of a superhero